Why?

So how have I been talking about the no-self issue to my friends?

First of all: WHY look into no-self? Some people will say straight away that they don't want to look.
Not everybody values knowledge more than, say, beer. And after all, how can I criticize this point of view? The lucky thing here is that happyness (at least temporary) and wisdom seem both to follow from knowledge. And from pretty ordinary knowledge too: no need to take drugs, no need to jump from an airplane or travel through the jungle to get this knowledge. YES, you can get MORE COMFORTABLE AROUND STRANGERS by just doing something in your head, ALONE.
I usually say it's really worth it because it gives off lots of self-improvement fallout. But is it true?
Getting people to really question the I is the most difficult and time consuming task.
If they really question it with an open mind (i.e. really put the assumption that "there is a me" to test) then everything is relatively easy. People that say that they value knowledge above all else will be led here by the need to be coherent.

HOW? Well. Next post.

I understand why it is so difficult to get along with people. Based on what I understand, the way thoughts filter reality is broadly different among people. Example.
A usually focuses on quantitative details of things. Feels comfortable only when everything is neatly planned. Asks lots of questions on details and checks factual accuracy of statements. Likes odd bits of trivia.
B forgets details quickly. Focuses on the general outcome of a process rather than on details. Hates planning and imagines he will be able to figure things out on the spot (even though that's not always the case). Is satisfied with guesses and approximations rather than with detailed knowledge.

B: In [country] we drink coffee like in the states, that's very different from italian espresso or spanish cortado. We really have a different coffee culture with respect to yours.... (talks about coffee for a while)
A: Where do you usually have coffee, at home or at a restaurant/bar/cafè?
B: I don't really drink much coffee, I don't know.
---
A: Tomorrow is a shaving day. Unfortunately I will have to bring the razor and all the stuff.
---
B: (sipping wine)
A: So, what's the plan?
B: Sorry?
A: The plan for this evening.
B: Should there be a plan?
---
B: Ok, we'll meet my friends at the end of the match, when all the pople leave.
A: Where exactly will we meet your friends?

The way we filter reality is part of the definition of the self image. When another person challenges the identification between reality and the way we filter it, he is making our delusion clear to us.
That's annoying.
A: The grass is black.
B: I see it green. (Take off your fucking red glasses!)
A: But the apple is red.
B: I see it black. (Oh, fuck, am I wearing green glasses?)
So everybody would like to think that he is wearing no glasses, but turns out everybody wears glasses of some kind.

Today I feel like me. That's ok. But there is a non-ok feeling. That's ok too.

Today

Reduction of hunger. No feeling of guilt after over-eating anyway. Sunny.

Finished reading Carnegie's book yesterday night. He is an hypocrite. In the past I was forcing mysef to accept this notion that I have to do the "right" thing and be myself in the mean time - a seeming impossibility - that is that I have to change "myself" to take the shape needed to obtain the results "I" want. Bullshit. There is no right thing to do and I don't exist. So what's these farts coming out of Carnegie's mouth? If you want to sell a truckload of shit to this guy, be GENUINELY interested in him. Oh, wow, how can that be?

Long discussion on Facebook about the existence of a friend of mine. Not really a close friend, luckily. After a couple of hours and starting a fb group to discuss the topic (I created the group and made him admin) he shut down the group without warning. Maybe he will come back.

Spiders

I was sitting at my place. There was a spider. I wondered if it were alive or not, sitting on his web.
So I blew on it. It moved. It was alive. Then it dawned on me: it reacted. It would have been just a different reaction if it would have sat there motionless, dead. Death and life are no different, there is no real distinction between the two. And I am like the spider.

Today I was driving. The road went trough the woods. I was thinking abut justice and guilt. There is actually no right and no wrong, no one is ever guilty because no one is. This does not mean and end to laws, jails, the police, holy wars and so on. All these things can exist even withouth selves. This means that there is no basis for theories about good and evil, and no need for feelings of guilt and of shame. This does not mean that those feelings cannot arise anymore and condition life. They can. They did and they can arise again. But that does not change the fact that they are empty. There is no need for building and keeping a moral code and for practicing what you preach. Or, as happens more often, for preaching what you practice.

So yes, you are free to preach online about balls and fearless approaches and you are free to hide behind a newspaper in the bus instead of approaching. Can you do anything about that anyway? Could the spider not move when stimulated? Of course this does not mean you need to drop all self-improvement efforts, but only that "self improvement" is a misnomer in the first place. There will still be thoughts about improving your abs, jogging, goign to the gym. And that's ok. You can still feel like you are taking control of your life. But that's simply a feeling. Like all other feelings.

From approach anxiety to anxiety

Picture a general, straightforward solution to approach anxiety. That is what I was looking for.
This post is to describe what I found instead.

Ok, she is not rejecting you. What is she rejecting? Your approach, right?
Just those ten seconds you have been talking to her. And that's not "you", that's just your approach. That approach. Those ten seconds.

So what about the ten seconds before that? Or after that? How many ten-second timespans are there in a typical life? None of those ten seconds is "you". What is "you" then?

So what I found out is there is really no answer to this question, because it's a question based on a false assumption. Have you stopped doing drugs yet? Please tell me: yes or no.
Why did you chose to become a monk? and so on. The assumption was that I existed, and I don't.

More details to come...